Interview: Copydude

Copydude, a freelance writer with a bit of a thing for Soviet women, splits his time between the UK and Kaliningrad.

In a welcome change of pace, he uses his interview to dispense some grandfatherly wisdom, and to brings some much needed perspective to post-Soviet blogging.

Q. So, why are you blogging anyway?

A. It’s a good question. With over 45 million blogs out there, does the Internet really need another blogger? It’s like Nashville not needing another country picker.

So this year it will become less of a blog and might actually provide some useful travel information. I need to finish a guide to Kaliningrad which has been sorely neglected.

Q. Which blogs about Russia and the former Soviet Union do you most enjoy reading?

A. I think I read most of the Russia blogs – with the exception of Russophobe of course 🙂 I honestly prefer reading blogs to mainstream media, which today is woefully short of tell-it-like-it-is journalism from anyone on the spot with a clue. As a rule of thumb, the more personal a blog, the more I like it. I’m not likely to read a blog by Khordokovsky’s lawyer. I’d rather read about that woman who sits in Kiev picking dog fleas out of her carpets. Well, she’s since moved to Turkey but this for me is blog appeal.

Q. What sparked your interest in Russia?

A. I’ve always had an interest in Russia. My first girlfriend was a ‘pioneer’ in the late sixties who worked in the Russian bookshop in London. My last wife was Russian too. It’s what they call brand loyalty.

If you went East in the early days you realised what a total hype the Cold War was. As phoney as the ‘War On Terror’ – just a device for perpetuating the arms industry. The East Block was penniless, threadbare, incapable of attacking anyone except with a division of Trabants. But there was something solid about people there � something more to them than just material values and always wonderfully hospitable.

I was a huge fan of spy novels too. Driving to Poland or Berlin through the scary East German border post near Magdeburg was always good for a chiller diller thrill. It was like living a Len Deighton. I never liked beach holidays anyway..

Q What is your favourite place in Russia? Is there anywhere you haven’t been yet, but would love to visit?

A You can’t really have a favourite place in Russia. All the towns look exactly the same. Once you’ve visited one, there’s no real point in visiting anywhere else.

Q What do you love about Russia? What do you hate?

A. I love anything with a red star or a cosmonaut or a picture of Lenin on it. I have a special craving for Russian mushrooms. And of course, one would kill for the women – which frequently happens. Few people realise that all these men shot in doorways are Russian husbands. Soviet women always make husbands sleep on the padyest – none of this namby pamby on the sofa stuff. But here they are naturally vulnerable to rivals.� Of course the Western media tries to politicise these shootings.

The worst thing about Russia is the winter – not because it’s cold but because everyone has the heating turned up to tropical. It seems to be impossible to dress for both indoors and outdoors. On top of which there’s the business of changing your shoes every time you go in and out. Then there’s the three doors to any apartment and all the locks. Really tedious.

Q. If you could invite three Russians, past or present, to a dinner, who would they be?

I was a huge fan of spy novels too. Driving to Poland or Berlin through the scary East German border post near Magdeburg was always good for a chiller diller thrill. It was like living a Len Deighton. I never liked beach holidays anyway.

Q What is your favourite place in Russia? Is there anywhere you haven’tbeen yet, but would love to visit?

A. You can’t really have a favourite place in Russia. All the towns look exactly the same. Once you’ve visited one, there’s no real point in visiting anywhere else.

Q What do you love about Russia? What do you hate?

A. I love anything with a red star or a cosmonaut or a picture of Lenin on it. I have a special craving for Russian mushrooms. And of course, one would kill for the women – which frequently happens. Few people realise that all these men shot in doorways are Russian husbands. Soviet women always make husbands sleep on the padyest – none of this namby pamby on the sofa stuff. But here they are naturally vulnerable to rivals. Of course the Western media tries to politicise these shootings.

The worst thing about Russia is the winter – not because it’s cold but because everyone has the heating turned up to tropical. It seems to be impossible to dress for both indoors and outdoors. On top of which there’s the business of changing your shoes every time you go in and out. Then there’s the three doors to any apartment and all the locks. Really tedious.

Q. If you could invite three Russians, past or present, to a dinner party, who would they be?

I’d like to invite Igor Talkov and Galina Brezhnev and Gorbachev’s daughter Julia. I want to know if all those scandalous stories are true, who really shot Igor and I’d like to get Julia drunk. I had the privilege of meeting the Gorbachevs at an art exhibition in Holland. Gorby speaks through a simultaneous interpreter. There’s so little delay in the translation it is like stereo with English on one channel. Quite mesmerising.

Q Do you think Russia will ever embrace the style of representative democracy now favoured in (most of) the rest of Europe?

A Why on earth would it want to do that? We only have an illusion of democracy. The UK doesn’t have proportional representation. It has a government 70% of the population didn’t vote for and a lying, warmongering sleazeball for a Prime Minister who is in some other country’s pocket. I wouldn’t wish our so-called democracy on anyone, not even Turkmenistan.

Honestly, who could you suggest as a role model for Vlad? A total crook like Berlusconi? One of Poland’s potato twins? The refreshing thing about Russian politicians is that they are completely honest about being corrupt.

Western media is as controlled as Russian media. Rupert Murdoch tells people which way to vote. Elections are rigged by who has the best ad agency or the biggest budget. Even the Internet is now being controlled by Google, which decides which ‘news sources’ are ‘news’. Look at the prepping for the Iraq War or the Litvinenko coverage – wall to wall disinfo invented by spin doctors. Russia is as democratic, or undemocratic, as anywhere else.

The main difference is that politicians and the media have less credibility in Russia because people aren’t generally so stupid and gullible as they are here. I don’t know any ordinary Russians who ever believed the old Soviet propaganda. Witness the old Soviet joke: ‘We have two newspapers, The Truth and The News. But The Truth doesn’t print any news and The News doesn’t print any truth.’

Q. Do you think the average Russian’s life today is better, or worse than it was in 1989?

A. Materially people are better off, if you count shopping malls. Spiritually and culturally, it depends upon the age group. The ‘New Russians’ are a bit hard to take. One hopes that Russia might rediscover some of its Soviet values in terms of education and funding for the arts. In terms of pensions and social safety nets Russians are now considerably worse off – but that’s capitalism for you.

Q. If you could advise the Russian government to do one thing, what would it be?

A. Import Georgian wine again. The Moldovan stuff just doesn’t cut it. This ban is causing tourists unnecessary hardship.

Q. I know you have a particular interest in Kaliningrad.Why? And do you you think Kaliningrad’s future lie in closer integration with Europe, or mainland Russia?

This area of the Baltics is very beautiful – which is why Putin is building his retirement home here. I like Kaliningrad itself because it is eccentric and an anomaly. Well, you could call it mistake. The whole town looks like someone played Sim City and lost. In 2001 it was rumoured that Chris Patten of the EU offered to buy it as scrap.

Because of the way Kaliningrad was settled, there’s a complete cross-section of ‘former Soviets’ in Kaliningrad and some 97 different nationalities according to one census. It’s a good place for misfits where everyone seems to misfit in, which lends it a very special ambience.

Of course, Kaliningrad has no natural relationship with Russia and it could easily have blended back in with its surroundings but the NATO bases and the Schengen wall have pretty much put an iron curtain back around it. It’s the new East Berlin – but that was also one of my favourite places.

Q. You don’t run a dating site, but you have a section on your website called ‘Soviet Women FAQs’. Why Soviet women, rather than Russian women? And why on earth do they prefer bald men?

A. No I don’t have a dating site. A Fast Bride Takeaway Counter might be an innovative idea for Sheremetyevo. One could give all the girls ‘best before’ datestamps.

‘Soviet’ was a catch-all – I believe the vast majority of girls available for ‘export’ are in fact Ukrainian. Actually I do find the women rather ‘Soviet’ in lots of ways. They still have these really old-fashioned names, like Tatiana and Ludmila. Modern dyevs should surely have names like Mattresska and Dollya.

Soviet women can prefer anything you like. After all, they are just an urban legend. With a very bad rinse.